More secret weapons than you can possibly imagine: Incredibly awesome chocolate chip cookies

A Scene*: We meet our heroes checking the weather for the day. The time is far too early. The day is not important.

Shiv: I’m not sure I understand what the weather is supposed to be doing; it’s going to be sunny, but raining at the same time? That icon is confusing.
Doctor Boyfriend: That’s not actually rain, it’s blood. It means that we should expect the apocalypse.
Shiv: For serious? But I don’t have any clean socks. I’m not ready.
Doctor Boyfriend: You can do laundry here. I will not send you back to New York unprepared for armageddon.
Shiv: It’s ok, I can wash my socks at home. I need to locate my flaming sword, anyway.
Doctor Boyfriend: Wait, you don’t know where that is? How do you lose a flaming sword?
Shiv: I mean, I *think* it’s under my bed. I’m pretty sure. Yeah, it’s got to be there.
Doctor Boyfriend: You know, if ever there were something you should keep track of…
Shiv: What, the end of the world is coming because I lost something in my apartment?  God is not only vengeful, but petty? Is that what we’re talking about?
Doctor Boyfriend: Well–
Shiv: Wait, no. No more military theology before coffee. Bigger question: am I going to need an umbrella?


As there was no coffee to be had (I know, I can’t talk about it) we made these cookies instead; I’m hoping they’ll work as a peace offering if the sword is not where I think it is. And, frankly, I think they might–these cookies are (if I may say so myself) pretty flippin’ tasty. After years of trying, I think I have almost perfected the recipe–the cookies are dense and chewy, but not leaden. They’re buttery, but not greasy; sweet, but not too sweet. Of course (because I am so difficult to please), the recipe is probably going to remain a work in progress for the rest of eternity; where cookies are concerned, I am ever in pursuit of biggerbetterfastermore. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to mention them in the comments!


*Content edited slightly for my brain’s inability to retain things verbatim.

Heavenly Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 sticks butter
1c brown sugar
1/2 c granulated sugar
2 eggs + 1 egg yolk
1 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp corn syrup

3c flour
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp cornstarch

2 c your favorite baking chips (i used a mix of chocolate and peanut butter here)

  1. In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream the butter on medium speed until it’s pale yellow and fluffy. Then, add the sugars and beat for 2 minutes more.
  2. Add the eggs, egg yolk, vanilla, and corn syrup; increase speed to medium high and let it all rock out for 3 more minutes. The resulting substance will be fluffy and smooth and gorgeous.
  3. While all the wet stuff is mixing, whisk together your dry ingredients–flour, baking powder, baking soda, cornstarch, salt.
  4. Put the mixer on its lowest setting and add the dry ingredients in three batches, until just incorporated. Add your baking chips in one go and do the same.
  5. Whack the dough into your refrigerator for at least 12 hours.
  6. When it’s time to bake, preheat your oven to 375. Using your hands (the dough will be VERY stiff, and your spoons will not thank you), roll the dough into 1.5″ balls; smoosh them so they’re moderately flat. Place on a parchment lined cookie sheet and bake for 13 minutes or so. They will look slightly underdone. Let them cool on the sheet for 5 minutes or so, and then move to a wire rack until they cool completely.
  7. Try not to eat them all at once, but I will not judge if you do.
In baking, cookies

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